‘TWAS THE HOLIDAY SPIRIT COME ROUND AGAIN, AND JUST IN TIME.

‘Twas the month of November, the holiday season

December ‘round the corner, my mind taxed beyond reason.

 

The workplace has been digitized down to an app.

My records and files appear with a tap.

As do Pidgey and Horsea and even Hypno,

My millennials have got me playing Pokémon Go.

 

But never during work, we all know the rule.

Use your own time to catch Tentacruel.

Or so our policies say about mobile devices,

For productivity suffers when Eevee entices.

 

The months passed by quickly, a really smooth ride.

I finally thought, “Hey, we’re hitting our stride.”

When what to my wondering eyes should appear,

But an OSHA inspector in full hazard gear.

 

“That’s really not necessary,” I say with a smile.

While calling our attorney on my speed dial.

“We come when we want. We need no complaint.”

Another surprise and I swear I will faint.

 

The tweeting! The posting!

The Clinton! The Trump!

Oh, Trans-Pac! Obama!

Just get through this bump.

To the polls we will go.

It’s time to decide.

Appoint a new justice

‘Cuz Scalia died.

 

The DOL clearly hates we HR reps

Implementing tough standards without giving us the steps.

Non-exempt status has caused quite a fuss,

Leaving me to explain to Valerie and Gus,

“You’ll be paid by the hour and make overtime.”

“No more salaried exempt; no more reason or rhyme.”

 

When the EEOC ruled on work wellness plans,

We double-checked our policy on medical exams.

The program’s voluntary, with biometric screening.

My skyrocketing blood pressure gives “stress” a new meaning.

 

Now, I’ve let loose the reins on the holiday party,

Delegating the task to Helga and Marty.

It seems that their plan for spreading good cheer

Has something to do with that hidden beer.

 

Not to worry, no matter, I’ve got just the thing.

Little do they know, they’ll be Ubering.

And, I’ll hear them exclaim as they’re driven out of sight:

“Happy holidays, y’all. Peace out and good night!”

Vanessa Towarnicky's primary focus is in the area of labor and employment law. She has been involved in representing clients in various employment cases, including sexual harassment; deliberate intent; age, race, and disability discrimination; wrongful discharge; and various other employment-related torts. She is admitted to various state and federal courts as well as the Third Circuit Court of Appeals and Fourth Circuit Court of Appeals.
 
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